Monday, 9 March 2009

Ditjies en Datjies

We went to Bruges in Belgium a few weeks ago. Just decided to go somewhere before our visa expired. What a wonderful weekend - just too short. Lovely chocolate and waffles and beer (the beer taste very fresh) - even though it was freezing it was delightful!!

Mieke loved the hotel the most (she is a real spoiled brat just like her mom). But it was great - lovely comfy beds, delicious breakfast and a warm indoor swimming pool - what more could you want.

We also went on a horse carriage ride (our horse was called Lulu) and the kids loved it. Clippity clop through the streets, stopping every now and then to look at a 900 year old church, or the oldest chocolate shop or the Lake of Love. We really had a great time and made me think I could actually live here.

But I can't. I still feel like my real life is going on somewhere else while I'm wasting my time here. I sometimes look around and just hate what I see. The brown houses, the grey skies, the grottiness of it all. What is wrong with me, why can't I just get on with it and enjoy my life. Why can't I make this my home?

I feel ungrateful but at the same time angry that I am here. Frustrated, sad, irritated. What can I say - I disappoint myself.

So now we are applying for Oz, the big brown country, hot as hell with huge scary spiders and Mieke who has suddenly developed a terrifying fear of them, jellyfish that can kill you, snakes and sharks and fires. Flies and more flies ("aussie salute" the constant swiping away of flies), attacker magpies and racing hoons.

So that's my choice: either stay in this damp, grey, brown, crowded place with their warm beer, dirty pubs and oily fish and chips, freezing my butt off for half the year and when the sun comes out having to look at ugly pale blue male chests parading everywhere. Or Oz...

Please can't I come back to South Africa - please someone help me!!!! Can't we all live in peace together, why so much hate and intolerance. Please just do it - just sort it out so we can come home.

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