I miss my husband

So Mr Nel is in Singapore again for three weeks and it's only day 5 and it feels like weeks.  I really miss him.

I miss that he puts my Anzac biscuits in a jar so they stay crispy.  I miss my coffee and biscuits in bed.  I miss that he takes the girls to school so I can take my time getting ready with Anouk.  I miss that he cleans up after me and empties the bins and cleans the car.  I miss that he baths Anouk every second night and that he plays tickle karate with the older ones.

These things shouldn't really be the things I miss.  Of course I miss having him around and spending time with him and I'm pretty lonely in the evenings without his company - even though that meant sitting next to him while he watches the latest war movie!

He doesn't get this but for me the things you do for someone is the way you show love.  So I feel I give love when I prepare a nice meal for him.  And I receive love when he does all the things he does.  And I realize this when he's not here to do them...

Happy 7th Birthday my sweet Silke

My dear Silke, I can't believe you are seven already. Who would have thought my baby would be so big and also a great big sister!
You are very brave and I am amazed at how well you settled at your new school this year, like you did last year... And the year before! Hopefully this is it my child and you'll stay put at this school because even though you smile and chatter I know it can't be easy to start over again and again. But we are having so much fun here in Melbourne as a family, like the hot springs today!

I feel I have lost you a bit recently, with Mieke in her last year of primary school and Anouk keeping me on my toes. I am sorry because the less attention you get the more you do stuff to attract attention and it's a vicious circle I really need to stop. You and Mieke fight a lot but you are such a wonderful big sister to Anouk - you two play so nicely together and I appreciate it very much. I hope we can reconnect because you are my baby, you look like me and we even have a birthmark on the same spot.

You are an ace at karate and regularly practise your karate kicks on Mieke and Daddy! You recently started dance classes and once you gain confidence I'm sure you'll love it.

You have an incredible imagination and your talented drawings depict that. You still love your littlest pet shops and use them in your imaginary games. You love movies and watching television a bit too much though! Your asthma is so much better since we moved to Australia which is great.

You make friends within minutes with your outgoing nature although you have a small heart and can get hurt just as quickly.
I love you so much and will make sure to spend time with you on your own this year and hopefully we'll be able to get a dog for you soon!

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How did we get to Easter so quick!

Where has the time gone? My Anoukie Poekie is 17 months already and Silke is turning 7 in a few weeks time!

Mieke started Year 6 and was chosen to be vice house captain!We've had an exciting time so far this year:
Silke started at her new school which she enjoys but they work really hard! She just had her Easter themed 7th birthday party and it was great and at least It was really easy to organise as the shops are filled with Easter stuff.

Here is the bunny butt cake I made for Silke - looks impressive but really easy especially as I used per bought flowers and eggs and a wooden bunny for her to keep. We had lots of fun creating this party!

Hubby spent a lot of time in Singapore but is home at last, for a while.
And my baby is walking, running and talking! She says about 50 words and animal sounds and is starting to say short sentences, for example: 'Anouk what are you doing?', then she'd say: 'I doing.'
Okay it's not really a sentence but clever that she knows to use 'I'!
She still wakes at night and prefers to sleep in my bed. Oh well...

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Three months later and I need some SLEEP!

I really need to go to bed now, but I know I won't get any sleep so why waste time trying?

Because since Anouk learnt to crawl at nearly 8 months, she's forgotten how to sleep.  Where she had a three hour continuous daytime nap and even though it took her ages to fall asleep she slept  all night, it has unfortunately changed for the worse...

She wakes three times before I go to bed and then often during the night.  Sometimes Werner can soothe her, most of the time she just screams until I breastfeed her. The worst is that she used to wake up with me about 8am.  But now starts being really wakeful from about 5am - I am not a morning person.

But she is such a cute baby, I forgive her every morning when I see her smile with her two bottom teeth and her spit drewling over my face!!

We are truly blessed.  We had our first little holiday with Anouk near Apollo Bay on the Great Ocean Road and even though it was winter we had a wonderful time.  Australian nature at it's best - deserted.

The girls swam in the sea, found beautiful shells, saw koalas and a wallaby and just chilled.  Anouk kept us on our toes though as she is pulling herself up on everything and puts everything she sees into her mouth, but it was still beautiful and relaxing.

Mothers Guilt and feeling blue...

Anouk is six months old and she is such a cutie.  Always smiling at her mum and dad and laughing at Mieke and Silke.  She has been sitting since 4 months but unfortunately refuses to roll.  She does it when I'm not looking so I know she can, but won't.  When I put her on her tummy she straightens her arms and gets into a crawling position but howls so loadly while doing it everyone rushes to pick her up.  Which is probably why she won't roll...

So since she was born I struggled to get her to sleep at night.  It took me hours and hours and hours.  I always knew my milk supply was low at night but because she slept through until four months I presumed that she did get enough milk.  And eventually I got really annoyed every night as I fed for hours but as soon as I put her down her eyes would open wide and I'd have to start again.  Then on Friday night I made her a little bottle of formula, only 125ml and sat down with her, expecting her to reject it the way she rejected the dummy.

Well she first chewed it a bit, but when she realized that the lovely warm milk comes out easily (and immediately) she caught on quickly and finished most of the bottle before having a little breastfeed for about 5 minutes and then went straight to sleep!

Same thing Saturday night, except this time she slept through until 6:00 am Sunday morning, had a breastfeed and then slept until 9:00am!

So either the formula contains sleeping potion or my poor little girl has been going to bed hungry since birth.  And she didn't wake up to annoy me but because she was hungry.  At least I don't believe in controlled crying and this is another reason why it's a daft idea.  Babies cry when something is wrong and if you don't respond to them they might stop crying because you're not coming.  But the cause of their crying is still there... how sad is that.  Imagine I left her to cry herself to sleep instead of just feeding her over and over again.

Otherwise I'm also feeling unexplicably sad for the past few weeks.  It defnitely has to do with the weather which is decidedly autumnly - rainy, cold and dark early.  Also I'm turning 40 next week and I don't have any friends or family here to celebrate it with.  Well I have 2 friends but not really a crowd.  And 40 is so ugh.  And I still feel (and sometimes act) like I'm about 11.  And we're not in a happy place financially.  And Mieke has been giving us a a hard time and I cannot face the fact that she's growing up and becoming a teenager.  And Silke's ashtma is flaring up.  And my baby took a bottle...

Of course we are very lucky to have what we do, and I am eternally thankful, but at the moment life sucks a little bit.  Where does the time go.  And where has my sweet little Mieke Muis gone...

Fun in Lilydale

This Easter holiday our days are packed with random things to do.  Yesterday it was the optometrist (Silke's eyes are fine but Mieke needs glasses).  Today it was my paid for exercise class at Yarra Health in Lilydale.  As it's an hour and a half and it takes about 20 mins to get there I had to take all my girls with me but it was a surprisingly fun day.

First we did some aerobic exercise, then yoga and then a talk about baby toys / activities.  Anouk was her usual angel self she presents when with other people, sweetly watching as we exercised.  Mieke and Silke read and did some drawing and Silke eventually joined me in doing some yoga and looking after all the babies.

The were really very well behaved and I was proud of them.  Afterwards we strolled across the road to the park where some ibis birds were also strolling about and lots of cockatooes flying overhead.  There are also ducks swimming in the public swimming pool so Lilydale seems to be a birdwatchers haven!  The girls enjoyed a play in the park, the weather was lovely - not too hot but still nice and warm.  Then we walked to the museum and had something to drink and biscuits.  Anouk slept so I could have my coffee in peace which was nice.  Then we visited the museum and had a look at some embroidery while the girls tried it out as well on a huge wall hanging.  Overall a surprisingly nice day!

We then popped into Target at Chirnside Park to get Silke some last minute birthday pressies, I got her a Moxie Girl prince and princess, her favourite Littlest pet shops and a baby doll.  I'm going to stop buying her stuff now as I already bought a dolls house, two dinosaurs and a blackboard.

Anouk is getting really cute now, screeching at the top of her lungs which I prefer as it's better than crying!  She also sits really well now and can pick stuff up and sometimes pass it from one hand to the other.  Still not that much interested in rolling but I'm not too worried, she's a strong, big girl!

Happy average 40th Birthday Werner & why things aren't getting done

On Tuesday it was Werner's 40th birthday and it is at times like these that we feel the pain of being away from friends and family.  Because instead of a Big Bash somewhere it was a quiet dinner at home with his 4 girls.  We did have champagne though!

Was also tricky with Anouk but I managed to make risotto, salmon and apple pie and Mieke made a chocolate cake all by herself.

He was impressed with his Nespresso coffee machine (although I'm enjoying it even more than him, especially with the milk frother thingy) and the fact that I had the pen he chose engraved with his name.

I also got him some helium balloons which was a feat in itself with Anouk and the pram and the balloons nearly flying away!

We will be spending Easter weekend at the Marriot but really how much fun can it be with three kids and one of them attached to my boob half the time?  Anyway we will try and celebrate and be cheerful.  But I must admit this baby lark seems really very hard this time around.

Of course I'm not working this time, which means I never get a break because I haven't introduced Anouk to a bottle as I'm dreadfully lazy at expressing and would like to avoid formula this time.  So it's all my own doing but bugger it's really hard!!  I'm sure my other babies were easier, or maybe one forgets.  What really gets to me is the hours and hours I spend upstairs every evening trying to get her to sleep.  Last night I sat there for an hour when suddenly she lifted her head up and SMILED!  Wide awake. So I took her downstairs and had my soup with her in the bumbo next to me and tried again at 10pm which is really far too late.

Today I'm feeling very frustrated as I cannot go out of her sight before she starts crying.  Werner tried to get her to sleep tonight but she just cried until I came. She is really very cute and we all adore her but WOW she's hard work!!  Which is why the dishwasher is half unpacked, laundry is not folded, half a basket is still wet and the filing haven't been done since, well since we moved here...

But they are only babies for such a short time, I must remind myself to enjoy the cuddles, her soft hair, the way she gums my face and pulls my hair when feeding and that smile... that gorgeous smile makes it all worthwhile.